Becoming a parent is a life-changing experience that can have a major impact on your relationship with your partner. Suddenly, the focus of your lives shifts from each other and your careers, hobbies and shared interests to the new life you are now responsible for. Women also experience significant brain and hormonal changes from pregnancy &birth and the process that is called matrescence. Navigating all of these changes can be challenging, most relationships will come under some strain, this is normal, but with some understanding and effort, you can come out on the other side with a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. This benefits not only each of your but your child(ren) too.

Communication is key

One of the most important things you can do to navigate the changes in your relationship after becoming parents is to communicate openly and honestly with each other. This isn’t the easiest thing to do, especially in the first few weeks where women are also navigating hormonal fluctuations, and everyone is getting less sleep than they are used to. Sometimes we expect that the other patent just knows what we are thinking or what we need but that isn’t always the case. It’s important that you both are willing to listen to each other's concerns, needs, and feelings, and to communicate your own. Make time to have regular check-ins with each other to discuss how you're feeling and what you need from each other. If you find it hard to articulate without getting upset sometimes sending a message with some details and asking to talk about it later can be helpful, but you are best paced to understand your relationship communication needs.

Embrace change

Becoming a parent inevitably means that some aspects of your life and relationship will change. It's important to be willing to embrace these changes and adapt to the new realities of your life. This might mean adjusting your expectations, letting go of old habits, or finding new ways to connect with each other that work within the constraints of your new role as parents. It might mean that some hobbies are no longer a priority of the amount of time you can devote to them is reduced. This is a normal part of becoming a parent, we are not ‘loosing ourselves’ and we do not need to ‘get our lives back’. Becoming a parent irrevocably changes your life, adjust to this season and be ready to embrace the next one.

Schedule ‘time away’

By time away I’m not talking about weekend trips of holidays (although they are good too!) I mean time away from being fully responsible for your baby. This might mean taking turns caring for the baby to give each other a break, even to have a shower or nap in peace or to get out for a short walk in the early days to as the early parenting fog starts to lift finding ways to incorporate exercise, hobbies, or other activities that help you feel fulfilled and energized as your baby gets bigger. When one person in the relationship gets more ‘time away’ than they other this can be a cause for tension or resentment. Many women feel that their partners lives have continued as normal while theirs has changed drastically. Find a way so that you both get time away, individually, and eventually together.

Seek support

Navigating the changes in your relationship after becoming parents can be difficult, and it's important to know that you don't have to do it alone, and that you were never meant to. Humans are meant to be raised in communities and extended families, not buy just one or two parents. We were never meant to do this alone and when we try t’s so much harder. Seek out support from friends, family members, or professionals if you need it. Joining a new parent group, getting help from family or reaching out to other parents who have been through similar experiences can all be helpful ways to get the support and guidance you need.

Practice gratitude

Finally, practicing gratitude for the good things in your life, even when things feel challenging is proven to be beneficial for everyone. Take time each day to reflect on the things you appreciate about your partner, your baby, yourself and your life. This may be as simple as

• “I am proud of myself that I parented for another day”
• “I appreciate when my husband makes me lunch”
• “I am grateful for the cuddles I have with my baby”
• “I am grateful for the wonderful care my girlfriend gives my baby”
• “I am lucky to have a safe home”

Focusing on the positive can help you stay connected and grounded during this time of transition. This does not mean that you always have to be positive, negative emotions need space too, but also practicing gratitude helps keep balance in our lives.

To round it up - becoming a parent is a big change that can have a significant impact on your life and your relationship with your partner. Focusing on communication, time away, flexibility, support, and gratitude, can help you both navigate these changes and come out with a stronger, more fulfilling relationship on the other side.

On a side note, if you are breastfeeding and sleep is a major issue you can download my Free 'Getting more Sleep while Breastfeeding Guide' here.