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There once was a time when fathers considered their job during labour as getting some pints in and pacing up and down the pub or hospital corridor smoking cigarettes. Culture, hospital practice, family make-up and expectations have changed. Pregnant people now, more often than not, view their other halves as partners, as best friends, who they want, and need, to be there during labour. I’m still surprised at how often I’m asked if partners should attend my antenatal classes. The answer is - that whoever you plan on having present during the birth can, and should if possible, attend. For the most part this is usually the other parent and/or romantic partner.
Often, I can sense at the start of a class that many birth partners feel that they don’t have much of a role to play in the labour and birth, but throughout the session I build up a picture of their significant importance. Then, towards the end of the class, I do an exercise about partner support. I split them into two groups - pregnant people and partners, and ask them to answer, “what do I want my partner to do for me during labour?” and “what can I do for my partner during labour?” respectively. It’s the only part of the class that I separate them, and I always enjoy the reunion. I usually get the partners to go first and I watch the expectant parent. I watch their delight and surprise at how right their loved ones got it, at what the partners thought of that they hadn’t, and I witness that swell of love. And then I look back at the partners, the relief that they got it right, the confidence that they have an active role to play. In its entirety, it is truly momentous.
A number of themes emerge from both groups regularly:
Practical
Advocacy
Support
My own pro-tips for partners that complement the above include;
Michel Odent (famous woman-centred obstetrician and childbirth expert) said “Reduced self-control, as an effect of reduced neocortical activity, appears as the main factor that makes human birth possible…for a woman to give birth easily by herself, without any pharmacological assistance, there is a time when she cuts herself off from our world, forgetting what she has been taught, forgetting her plans, and behaving in a way that might be considered unacceptable for a civilized woman: for example, screaming or swearing…When …Nature is understood, it becomes easy to analyze and summarize the basic needs of a laboring woman: she needs to feel protected...”
Partners are a vital part of a positive birth experience. They have a role in protecting the labouring space, making the labouring person feel safe and loved and allowing her to switch off her ‘thinking brain’ (neocortex) and to let nature take over. The birthing person will remember how you made them feel during this immense, influential, life event, make sure you’ve done your best, there’s no more that can be asked of you.
Quote from: Odent M (2020). Do we need midwives? Midwifery Today 132: 10-11.