In this guest blog post Charlie Jose Brown. Life & Motherhood Coach, takes us through the journey that is Matrescence

Motherhood is a profound and life-altering experience that goes beyond the physical act of giving birth. It is the forgotten right of passage, a transformational transition of ‘becoming’ & it leaves no women as it found her. There is nothing left untouched by Matrescence, it changes her physically, hormonally, emotionally, socially, economically, culturally & spiritually. Many mothers often speak of the shifts that continually unfold, she knows that her relationships have changed but doesn’t know how, she knows the way she views herself & the world has changed but can’t explain why, she knows everything has changed but lacks the language & acknowledgement to better understand herself & the ever unfolding shifts that occur as she transitions into & through motherhood. In this blog, we will explore what Matrescence is, delve into its various dimensions, and understand how it affects every mother.

Matrescence, a term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael, (she also coined the term Doula) describes this profound process of becoming a mother as,

“The critical transition period which has been missed is Matrescence, the time of mother becoming. Giving birth does not automatically make a mother out of a woman. The amount of time it takes to become a mother needs study”

Matrescence refers to & acknowledges the developmental transition a woman undergoes when she becomes a mother but it was Dr Aurelie Athen that really gifted us the language to better understand the many shifts that unfold as we transition into & through Matrescence. Dr Athen likened this transformation to that of Adolescence, an experience that all mothers could understand not only because of their own unique & personal experience but also due to the extensive scientific literature we have available to us. We know & understand adolescence to be a confusing time, no longer a child but not quite an adult either. We know our bodies change, our hormones change, it’s a time of self exploration, learning, growing, evolving as we navigate the shifts taking place in & around us.

The exact same thing happens when a woman transitions into & through motherhood, because when she births a child, she also births the mother. A part of herself she has never met & with each child she births she unearths & unravels new depths she has never explored, she is no longer the woman she was, nor is she yet the woman & mother she will become. Matrescence gifts her the language, understanding & acknowledgement so that she can make sense of the ongoing shifts that happen in & around her.

Similar to adolescence, this is a time of ‘becoming’ . It is universal BUT unique to all women & there are 7 main shifts of transformation that every woman experiences of which we will explore.

Matrescence changes her physically, there are significant physical changes during pregnancy, birth & beyond along with hormonal shifts, weight gain, breast & brain changes to name a few. Research now shows that the changes within the brain are so profound, simply by looking at two brain scans, Dr’s can identify which of the two is a mother, so yes baby brain is a real thing & these physical & hormonal shifts can dramatically influence the way she feels about herself, especially when society's unrealistic beauty standards often place undue pressure on mothers to "bounce back" and regain their pre-pregnancy bodies quickly. It’s important to encourage & support rest, after all the only way to this planet is through the female body which to this day still blows my mind!

The emotional journey of Matrescence is one of duality & at times extreme contradiction as she feels a range of emotions, including joy, love, anxiety, fear, gratitude & grief as she navigates this ‘space between’ who she was & is now becoming. She can feel both gratitude for her children & the life she has, whilst mourning the loss of identity & the life she had. It’s also important to address here that many women experience postnatal depletion due to hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, and the challenges of adjusting to the demands of motherhood in a modern world within a culture that offers little to no mother care & support. Many other cultures acknowledge this transition, the first 40 days postpartum are considered sacred as one day throughout this time represents one year of life & determines the long term health & wellbeing of the mother..

Matrescence affects not only the mother herself but also those around her, it impacts her socially as her relationships with partners, family, and friends shift. A new dynamic unfolds, unmet needs & expectations, little to no conversation around boundaries & support, old wounds reignited within the family & as all attention shifts to the children, the mother often feels invisible which can lead to anger, frustration & resentment. Open and honest communication, along with patience and understanding, is key to nurturing these relationships during this transformative period, ideally prior to any child's arrival, because with each child’s arrival the dynamic shifts again, the mother learns who she is now as a mother of two, three or more. Encouraging partners and loved ones to actively participate in the caregiving process can foster a sense of shared responsibility and strengthen bonds, acknowledging & validating the unseen, unpaid, physical, mental & emotional load a mother carries helps her to feel seen, heard & supported in a culture that doesn’t value the work she does within the walls of her own home.

The roles and responsibilities associated with motherhood can challenge a woman's sense of self. Many mothers find themselves struggling to reconcile their pre-motherhood identity with their new role as a caregiver, especially if their identity was very much connected to their career. It is important to recognise that motherhood does not diminish a woman's worth, individuality or aspirations, however as we have learnt this is a time of ‘becoming’ and as her identity shifts so too do her values, priorities & the ways in which she sees herself & the world around her. It is important for her to explore this season of her life in a way that makes sense for her & her family. Western culture primes mothers for burn out, she is expected to ‘work as though she doesnt mother & mother as though she doesnt work.’ It is essential for her physical, mental & emotional wellbeing & that of her family to create time & space that enables her to explore who she is now that she’s a mother, defining for herself what it means to be a ‘good mother’ & what success means in this season of her life outside of cultural rules & expectations that have been placed upon her.

When a woman births a child, she experiences an inner split, she becomes both the woman & the mother & whilst this can impact many areas of her life, it’s here she may experience significant economical changes regardless of whether or not she chooses to work. She may wish to stay home, or reduce work, with the rise in childcare it is expected that there is some degree of financial change, which can impact her sense of security. Many mothers with established careers prior to motherhood experience, competing devotions, torn between motherhood & her career, wanting to give her all to both but often left feeling so overwhelmed & exhausted she removes herself from the workforce or is even overlooked for job opportunities & promotions as it’s assumed now that she is a mother it’s no longer of interest. It is also reported that mothers when interviewing for a job alongside other females, without children are offered 7-13% less & so the impact of economical changes not only affect her but also the family unit as a whole.

Matrescence is an ongoing transformation, it doesn’t begin & end one time, it is a continuous transition of growth & evolution as she mothers her children, she too mothers herself. This transformation can be described as a deeply spiritual journey, unlocking superpowers she didn’t know were possible, fostering a deeper connection to self & others, it’s no longer about ‘I’ but rather the collective ‘WE’ as women, as mothers. It’s for this reason she mourns or feels sadness when she learns of hurt or harm to another child, she feels the pain of that mother as if it were own. She unlocks her capacity for more love, patience, kindness & compassion and connects to her own inner knowing, her intuition wired entirely to protect herself & her family.

Matrescence is universal, however it is unique to every mother as her experience of these shifts will be influenced by everything she is bringing forth into her mothering journey. How she was raised, how much support she has around her, the current cultural narrative, societal expectations, trauma, whether she or her children have additional needs to name a few. Matrescence changes a woman's life in profound ways & it’s important that she has this language available to her so she can make sense of these changes, without the language, the understanding & acknowledgement that what she is experiencing is real, she will often feel like she is failing, she will internalise these changes & think there is something wrong with her when this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Matresence matters because this language & understanding acknowledges all that she is & continues to experience. She can see herself with more kindness, compassion & learn to trust in herself, it creates a sense of safety for her to explore motherhood & this new season of her life, seeking support when she needs. On the days it’s challenging, she can give herself grace because she will know, it’s Matresence, this is a time of ‘mother becoming.’ with & alongside her children.

Planting seeds of awareness also allows her to see & speak to other mothers, creating honest, open conversations about the reality of this beautiful but also challenging journey of motherhood. How might your own journey of motherhood be different had you known all that was to unfold, had you been aware of the ongoing transformations & shifts?

If we whisper the words of Matrescence to all mothers she will know she is not alone, if we celebrate the incredible strength and resilience of mothers, we can create a society that values and nurtures the well-being of mothers & together we can change the way we view & experience motherhood in a modern world. 

If you would like to take one of Charlie's amazing programmes you can find out more below

Nurture Her program: 

https://charliejosebrown.podia.com/nurture-her-prenatal-yoga-wellness-course/8iwch

Motherhood WTF Happened.

https://charliejosebrown.podia.com/wtf-happened/8iwch